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He not interested in having sex...

Question:

I have been dating this guy for over 8 months and he does not want to have sex. We have discussed it in detail, several times, and I am not happy about it.

I would like to have a real boyfriend, wherein we have a full relationship - love, romance, affection, and sex along with everything else. He says he likes me and considers me his girlfriend, but he is just not interested -- right now, he says.

He says that he is just not in a sexual mood. I have asked him if it is me, or that maybe he does not find me sexually attractive or desirable, and he says this is not the case. He is not gay, and he has lived with three other women in the past and had sex with all of them.

I am rather upset by this and want to keep seeing him, but think and feel that it is unnatural to be in a relationship such as this and not have sex - he is 35 and I am 45.

I am open to meeting new men and have tried to do so in the past few months, but have not run into anyone who I like as much as him.

I have even told him that he should get therapy for this issue, but he is unwilling to do so.

Answer:

Let’s get directly to what the problem is.

The problem is you’re not happy and you’re not getting what you want, which is sex and affection from this man. You have told him in an honest and straightforward manner what you want and he has told you in an honest and straightforward manor that he is not interested in those aspects of a relationship with you.

All that matters is he’s not interested in having sex...

You can second guess and analyze his reasons all you want. The bottom line is his reasons don’t matter. All that matters is he’s not interested in having sex or being affectionate with you.

Next, you’ve told him he needs help. If this bothered him he would get help or try to work it out with you. Based on his actions and his attitude, he has no plans of doing anything about it because he doesn’t see it as a problem.

You can sit and pass judgment on him all you want, you can say he needs help, etc., but he’s getting exactly what he wants from the relationship, which is a friend and a companion, but not a lover.

You can respect his wishes, stop trying to force a square peg into a round hole and enjoy what’s there while you look for another man or you can continue to be sexually and emotionally frustrated indefinitely trying to force him into a relationship he clearly is not interested in.

Good luck and God Bless.

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